This morning I Googled "Mister Rogers quotes." It, of course, lead me to the Mister Rogers' Neighborhood IMDB page. Now, dialogue between puppets wasn't exactly what I was looking for, but I decided to read the memorable quotes page anyway.
This may have been one of the better decisions of my life. Because that shit is hilarious. Hiiiiiiilarious. I've mentioned here before that Mister Rogers is a hero of mine. But I haven't seen the show in a very long time, so I haven't been able to rediscover it with an adult mind. And holy cow. I think that in addition to being the kindest man in the history of the world, that he was also at least, at least a little batty, if not entirely insane. Which does not diminish him as my hero. It only makes him moreso. I think this man was a genius. Now, I don't know if this would be as funny in the context of a full show, but taken by themselves, these were actually making me laugh out loud at my desk.
"King Friday XIII: Ugh. Fortune cookies! Pitching bucket balls! Following balloons! What are these neighborhoods coming to?"
"Lady Aberlin: [the trolley approaches] Oh hi, Trolley. Is it time to go back to reality now?"
"Chef Brockett: I'm not exactly sure, but this morning, Donkey Hodie and Harriett Elizabeth Cow had a long meeting with the king. And after they left, he called Edgar and me in and talked to us about waffles."
"Mr. Rogers: [singing] You can never go down/ Can never go down/ Can never go down the drain/ You can never go down/ Can never go down/ Can never go down the drain/ You're bigger than the water/ You're bigger than the soap/ You're bigger than all the bubbles/ And bigger than your telescope; so you see... / You can never go down/ Can never go down/ Can never go down the drain/ You can never go down/ Can never go down/ Can never go down the drain/ The rain may go down/ But you can't go down/ You're bigger than any bathroom drain/ You can never go down/ Can never go down/ You can never go down the drain."
"King Friday XIII: Welcome, Lady and Good Wolf. Tuesday and Tome are in the "W" Room, waiting for you wolves. And you too, Lady Aberlin. We will welcome you in the Wonderful Watermelon room."
"King Friday XIII: There is some merit to your conventional ways, Niece Aberlin."
"Mr. Rogers: So let's just go to the kitchen right now. Do you like kitchens? I certainly do."
"Officer Clemmons: Well you see, I just received this telegram notifying me that I've been accepted by the Metropolitan Opera Studio in another city.
King Friday XIII: Another city?
Officer Clemmons: Yes. My wife and I will be leaving next week.
King Friday XIII: You'll not be a policeman anymore?
Officer Clemmons: I'm going to be a full time opera singer."
"King Friday XIII: Donkeys should stay in their windmills!"
"Handyman Negri: [about a strange spare part they got from Corny] I was wondering, do you think it may be a part of a windmill or something like that?
King Friday XIII: I have reason to believe that it might be part of a bomb.
Handyman Negri: A bomb?
King Friday XIII: Yes, so here is your assignment, Handyman Negri: you are to order a million of these from Cornflake S. Pecially and conscript everyone in the neighborhood to help put the bombs together.
Handyman Negri: But King Friday...
King Friday XIII: No buts about it, Handyman, this is serious business.
Handyman Negri: Yes, sire, but a million of them?
King Friday XIII: Yes, a million. If Southwood has a million, we will have a million and ONE.
Handyman Negri: I see.
King Friday XIII: You have your work to do. I must get in touch with our known allies."
"Daniel Striped Tiger: Robot67-Bridge 2, will you play with me?
Daniel Striped Tiger: Why?
Robot67-Bridge2: I have no more time for you. Exit greetings.
"Lady Elaine Fairchilde: Don't look now, but we are being invaded from outer space.
Chef Brockett: What makes you think that?
Lady Elaine Fairchilde: The flying bread. Dangerous, dangerous people, those bread people. But very clever."
"King Friday XIII: I feel like reciting the royal version of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
Lady Aberlin: Oh, please do if you will, Uncle.
King Friday XIII: Certainly, yes. 'Scintillate, Scintillate diminutive stellar orb. How inexplicable to me seems this stupendous problem of your existance. Elevated at such at an imeasurable distance, in an apparently perpendicular direction from this terrestrial planet which we occupy. Resembling in thy dazzeling and unapproachable efulgance, a gem of purist carbon, set solitaire in a university of space.'"
"Lady Elaine Fairchilde: Corny! Cornflake!
Lady Aberlin: Corny? Cornflake S. Pecially!
Cornflake S. Pecially: [enters] Well if it's not two women with Lady names."
"Mr. Rogers: Do you find that eating is fun for you? Especially when you're hungry?"
"Lady Aberlin: Thank you, Trolley, your wind making is very consistant."
"Lady Aberlin: That's right. Sometimes you're right, Lady Elaine.
Lady Aberlin: You too, Trolley?
[Trolley dings repeatedly]
Lady Elaine Fairchilde: Oh go on, you wheel sport."
"Lady Elaine Fairchilde: You and your purple ideas."
"Mr. Rogers: [riding on a bus] There's the children's museum.
Mr. McFeely: It looks like it's wearing a hat."
"Lady Aberlin: She already knows more than that. Ana knows that she's a growing platypus who wants to learn and be with other children. She already knows how to play lots of different things and what her favorite toys are.
Lady Elaine Fairchilde: I don't understand your pedagogy."
"Mr. Rogers: [singing] Tree Tree Tree, Tree Tree Tree/ Tree Tree Tree, Tree Tree Tree/ We love you, yes we do/ Yes we do, we love you/ Tree Tree Tree, Tree Tree Tree/ Tree Tree Tree, Tree Tree Tree."
"Lady Aberlin: [singing] It's the apple skin way to say I love you.
X the Owl: [singing] It's the apple skin way to say I care about you.
Henrietta Pussycat: [singing] Meow meow meow way/ Meow meow meow way/ Meow meow meow way...
X the Owl: Now Henrietta, you can't sing if your work suffers. I mean, I'm waiting here.
Henrietta Pussycat: [grumbling] Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow."
"Betty Okonak Templeton-Jones: I'll never put this mask on in front of Carrie Dell again. Not 'til she's 21 or so."
"King Friday XIII: Betty Okanak Templeton, I presume?
Betty Okonak Templeton-Jones: You're right about that, King Friday. I always say if you wanna be right about something, you look at somebody you know and say their name and ask if you're right. Well of course you're right, of course you're correct as usual. After all, it's that person's name, it's not some multiple equation for extra curricular movements."
"Mr. Rogers: [singing] Some are fancy on the inside/Some are fancy on the outside/Everybody's fancy/Everybody's fine/Your body's fancy, and so is mine/Boys are boys right from the beginning-
Mr. Rogers: When you're born a boy baby, you grow up to be a bigger boy and then a man.
Mr. Rogers: Girls are girls right from the start.-
Mr. Rogers: When you're born a girl baby, you grow up to be a bigger girl and then a woman.
Mr. Rogers: Everybody's fancy/Everybody's fine/Your body's fancy, and so is mine/I think you're a special person/And I like your ins and outsides/Everybody's fancy/Everybody's fine/Your body's fancy and so... Is... Mine."
"Lady Aberlin: If you had any doubt about that, Lady Elaine, you might have asked. After all, you have words and that's what words are for, aren't they, Robert Troll?
Robert Troll: Absolutely...
Robert Troll: ... Words."
"Chuck Aber: How's the bird?
Audrey Paulifficate: Still in the hand, if you know what I mean."
"King Friday XIII: Cereal has no respect for royalty."
"Lady Elaine Fairchilde: [about Prince Tuesday] One thing: I said I'd keep him if you all didn't make it back, Friday.
King Friday XIII: Oh Fairchilde, I can see how that might have been somewhat comforting, but very disturbing at the same time."
I just spent two hours doing this.