Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Paul Newman - Actor, Humanitarian, Purveyor of Delicious Foodstuffs

Aha! I found what I was looking for on my Live Journal. It is the single greatest blurb to be found on the back of a Newman's Own product.

I would like to share, in honor of Paul Newman, this amazing piece of hilarity, from the back of his Light Balsamic Dressing:
"The Great Salad Dressing Balloon Race. An armada of balloons loaded with Light Balsamic. The starters gun - Bazoombah! They all rise majestically into the air. Newman's Own Balloon, with fewer calories, more taste, and secretly propelled by charity, flies faster than Kraft and further than Wishbone. First across. First on the ground. El Piloto quaffs mucho quaffs of Newman's Own Light Balsamic in victory. A medium light Italian starlet, daughter of Butch Cassidini, Bitch Cassidini, leaps into the balloon basket, kisses Piloto, her lips smeared in Newman's Own Light Balsamic, she murmurs, 'You taste of Sicily, of Vesuvius, of Naples, baby,' and, patting his fanny she whispers, 'and no fat.'"
That is a DIRECT QUOTE. Now go read that to someone aloud, laugh until you cry, and take a moment of silence for a wonderful man. I wish I could believe he penned that magnificent blurb, but even if he didn't, he made it possible. Plus, good actor, did stuff for kids, handsome as hell. Bless him.

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