Thursday, July 31, 2008

My Cubicle Buddy

I'm working at Fox as a temp. Naturally, there are Fox movie posters plastered all over the place. I could have been paired with any number of amazing Fox movies. But here's who I ended up with:




I don't wish to go into how much I probably would have hated this movie had I been foolhardy enough to go and see it. I think that's self-evident. Here's what I wanted to say:

I have decided that the most hilarious ingredient of this poster is the pigeon.

I have been staring at it every day for about three weeks ... and the more I think about it, the more ridiculous it is to me that they put a pigeon next to Uma Thurman as this nightmare ex-girlfriend/superhero character. What does the pigeon have to do with this film? Did we need it to really get a sense of how high up they are, when there's a whole city skyline right behind them? Did the poster seem too empty without it?

Furthermore, please take note that the pigeon has just pooped on this majestic marble building.

And now think about this: a human being with organs and relatives and wishes and dreams and some kind of collection of something they love had to digitally create that pigeon poop. That was their job that day. And it was someone else's job to tell him to do that. Some higher up came to his cubicle and/or floor and said something along the lines of, "We totally dig the pigeon, Ted. It looks great. It totally looks like a pigeon would look on a building. Now just this one last thing - me and the other marketing guys think it would be totally hilarious if the pigeon just shat on the building. Great, right? Like, Uma Thurman's all scaring the crap out of her ex and it's like, I don't know, like she also scared the crap out of this pigeon. I don't know, something like that. I don't want to overthink it or anything, but we all totally agree that the pigeon should've just pooped right where he's standing. You can decide how much poop, like a lot or a little. I don't know. I trust your judgement. Just do what you do best."

And then Ted did. Ted added that poop, even though he knew it was ridiculous. And that was the day he gave up on his dream of being a real artist. And now Ted is an alcoholic. All because of this poster.

Doesn't it just make you die a little inside?

5 comments:

Chris Kelly said...

i kid you not, i thought this exact same thing and almost wrote this exact same blog after seeing the preview for the new movie about chihuahas. have you seen it?

i loved picturing hundred of middle-aged men stressing about deadlines for that movie, holding meetings to talk about the scenes that just werent working and the jokes that just werent landing.

incredible.

also, when i first moved to the east village, i saw that a movie was filming right in front of my door for a week. i was so excited. then i realized it was "my super ex girlfriend". of all the movies...

Lindsay Evelyn said...

But, Chris! You could have met THE PIGEON! Did you even think about that?

Lindsay Evelyn said...

Also, yes, I saw the preview for Beverly Hills Chihuahua and my head almost exploded from thinking all those kinds of thoughts.

heather landis said...

I'm pretty sure the brilliant creative exec who thought up the pigeon poop also created the Beverly Hills Chiuahua flick.
Which you could also interpret as "poop".

Cari Turley said...

You work at Fox, huh? Happen to know anyone who worked on the X-Files movie? :)