Sunday, April 15, 2007

They call him Doctor.

I bring you now a smattering of moments with one of the therapists I work with, who I will call Glen. Keep in mind, please, that Glen has a PhD.

*

Me: (on phone) Hi, Glen, I'm just calling you with your schedule tomorrow. You work from ____ to ____, with no gaps between patients.

Glen: I'm so proud of you, Lindsay.

Me: Thank you, Glen.

Glen: You're doing such a good job. I'm so proud of you.

Me: Thanks.

Glen: So proud of you.

Me: Okay.

Glen: You're doing a great job.

Me: Okay, see ya.

*

Glen: Have I gotten a fax?

Me: I don't know. I don't look at the faxes.

Glen: Have I gotten anything?

Me: I don't know.

Glen: Gotten any faxes?

Me: I. Don't. Know.

*

Glen: The fax goes in face down?

Me: Yep.

Glen: How do I know it went through?

Me: It beeps once and says, 'Complete.'

(he stands in front of the fax machine for about thirty seconds)

Glen: Did it go through?

Me: Did it beep?

Glen: How do I know it went through?

Me: Did it beep?

Glen: How do I know it went through?

Me: Because it beeps once and says, 'Complete,' Glen. Are you listening for it?

Glen: Did it beep?

Me: I don't know, Glen. Did it?

(fax machine meeps)

Me: There. It went through.

*

(Two days later)

Glen: The fax goes in face down?

Me: (sigh) Yes.

Glen: How will I know it went through?

Me: (sigh) Because it beeps once and says, 'Complete!'

(thirty seconds later)

Glen: Did it go through?

Me: I don't know! Did it?!

*

Glen: Are you ordering lunch?

Me: No. I'm poor. I can't afford to order lunch.

Glen: Order me lunch.

Me: Order yourself lunch.

Glen: The other Lindsey [previous receptionist, if you'll remember] always ordered me lunch.

Me: The other Lindsey is better than me.

Glen: I miss Lindsey.

Me: (sigh)

Glen: Are you ordering lunch?

Me: No.

Glen: The other Lindsey always got lunch for me.

Me: Sorry, Princess.

*

I am looking at my computer. Glen is behind me at the fax machine.

Glen: Bitch. Fuckin' little. Fuck. Fuckin' bitch. Motherfucking. Bitch. Fucking. Bitch.

Me: Having some trouble, Glen?

*

I walk into the back office. Everyone is laughing. Glen is animatedly telling a story. The story is about him trying to give himself blow jobs as a teenager. I immediately exit the back office.

1 comment:

Patrick said...

You know you wrote a good blog when my tears are keeping me from reading it a second time. Amazing!