Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Today's Brew: Inspiration

A much better "Way I See It"
Evolution quote on Starbucks cup
Originally uploaded by cpurrin1.
"The Way I See It #187: Life is a school for angels. Love is the teacher, so do your homework without fear. Death is merely graduation."

- from _______, Wilmette, IL


My inferences, based on this:

- the school is located in your heart
- the principal of the school is hope
- the school counselor is your imagination
- you either graduate to heaven or fail and go to hell, based on whether or not you were using #2 pencils when you filled in the inner-beauty bubbles on the living-your-dream SATs
- you are not allowed to use your hate calculator to solve the inner-child equations
- please show your work on the courage paper God provided you with
- each student is allowed one ticket for themselves and one for a guest to dance-like-no-one-is-watching prom
- the electives are wisdom and freedom; also, they're not electives, they're requirements
- no running in the halls ... of lies
- any student seen smoking sadness cigarettes will be sent to second chance detention
- any student caught writing ignorance graffiti on the brotherhood walls will be suspended from all enlightenment activities
- if you have too many absences from teamwork classes, your respect parent will need to write you a togetherness note in order to clear the closed-mindedness marks from your milk-of-human-kindness record
- and finally, the school uniforms are made of 100% wishing cotton and can be purchased at the store Believe In Yourself, located on 12th and Compassion

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Who the fuck you think you talking to?

This kid is the most gifted actor of our time. If this were the olden days of theatre, he'd being playing Juliet in Romeo & Juliet. He's like Billy Crudup's character in Stage Beauty. He has captured the female voice.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

And she's available, fellas . . .

I finally got my disgusting toe taken care of. You know ... my disgusting, infected, ingrown toenail toe? You know, the one that I talk about a lot because I will never, never stop thinking there's something funny about forcing uncalled-for images of an infected tow upon your delicate, human psyche? Yes, that disgusting toe.

I went in for two reasons:

1. Yesterday it hit me that it had probably been really bad for six months already. I suddenly remembered having foisted disgusting toe talk upon the internet as long as six months ago. This greatly disturbed me.

2. Upon telling my mother this over the phone, she called me stupid for the first time in my entire life. My mother would never and has never called me stupid. However, the lady made some excellent points about not letting myself die as though I were a soldier in the Civil War.

That being said, I am now home in San Diego, forcing my mother to take care of me and look at my gross, post-"surgery" toe ... as payback for calling me stupid.

I am also here to finally purchase a replacement car for my dearly departed Mazda, from a neighbor of my mother's. What is my new car, you might be wondering? Oh, it's a '92 Infiniti convertible ... AND IT HAS A CAR PHONE. Jealous? Don't bothering answering that. It's so obvious that you are.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Yes We Can?

My buddy Mel Cowan and some funny girl name Molly (who I might also know but the certainty of which is unavailable to my brain computer right now) have begun a great blog called "Yes We Can?" It is a posting of conversations they have over AIM about everyone's favorite current President ... you know the one ... you know, that guy ... that guy who is great ... you know ...


(Sorry, that's the first time I've said that on this blog and I felt it needed a weighty lead-up.)

Anyway, the blog is here and it's already funny:

Saturday, January 17, 2009

SF Sketchfest 2009!

Casting Couch will be up in San Francisco next weekend to perform at SF Sketchfest.

Friday, January 23
SF Sketchfest in the Mission:
Serve By Expiration, Dry Hump and Casting Couch
The Dark Room at 8PM, $12
buy tickets

Saturday, January 24
SF Sketchfest in the Mission:
VentureTek, Dry Hump and Casting Couch
The Dark Room at 10:30PM, $12
buy tickets

Come see us!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Look Into These

Music suggestions, everyone!

- And the Moneynotes' "New Cornucopia!"

Remnicient of early rock-n-roll, folk, and alternative all at once. Pretty damned delightful. I recommend especially: Bolinda, And Offering, The Moonshine, and A Pirate's Confession III.

- Dr. Dog's "Fate" and "We All Belong"

Every. Single. Song.

- The Two Gentleman Band's "Heavy Petting"

It's like if The Gay Nineties/The Depression went bluegrass, got a modern sense of humor, and started working a little bit blue. Lots of banjo & kazoo. Songs about William Howard Taft, prohibition, love, strong men, unicycles, etc. Most of the songs sound pretty much the same, but are no less enjoyable for it. I recommend especially: William Howard Taft and The Square Root of Two.

Friday, January 09, 2009

Bad Luck

The following things have happened to me since Thanksgiving:

- I totaled my car
- I was laid-off from Fox
- I was informed I'm being sued by a man I got in an accident with in October 2007 when we were both going TWO MILES AN HOUR and HE WAVED ME FORWARD
- Someone keyed my rental car and I have to pay $578 to repair it
- My mom lent me her car to replace the rental in the interim before I get a new car and as soon as I got it, the check engine light went on.

Hello, 2009, you beautiful bastard.

Friday, December 19, 2008


The above quote comes from Miss Leta Armstrong, daughter of Jon Armstrong and's Heather Armstrong. And I think it perfectly illustrates why Leta and I would have been best friends had we been the same age and introduced.

Anyway, the entry is here and it made me laugh - as Dooce always does.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Car Crash

I got into a semi-serious car accident last Wednesday morning on my way to work. It had been raining the night before and I guess I needed new tires and/or to replace my brakes, because when I pressed on the breaks to avoid rear-ending the SUV in front of me, it helped do nothing of the kind. Instead, I went full speed into the SUV. So hard, in fact, that my car ended up a foot under her car, tearing my front bumper asunder, leaving my engine hanging out for all the world to see, and crunching my hood into my windshield. Casualties of the car accident would be: 1) my fucking car and 2) the skin under my chin. Just so you know, you're all taking the skin under your chins for granted. You should take that skin out to dinner once in a while and certainly surprise it with flowers more often than you do.

There's got to be a better description than "the skin under your chin." You know what I'm talking about, right? You know ... if you were a turkey, you'd have a thing there. You know ... a thing? A neck thing? That's where I got hurt. Right there. That airbag may have saved me from having a broken nose and cheekbones and ... you know ... a broken face in general, but considering it is supposedly a tool for good and not evil, it has a funny way of showing it. By a funny way of showing it, I mean: EXPLODED AT MY FACE AND TORE SKIN OFF.

Okay, I'm making it sound like I look like the Phantom of the Opera now. I'm playing this journal entry a little fast and loose, I apologize. Sloppy blogging. I'm fine, apart from some minor cuts and bruises and the aforementioned turkey neck injury. But that does not change the fact that a bag exploded in my face and I didn't enjoy it. And I have no car.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Si se puede!

For some reason, when trying to think of something to write right now, Madonna's "Like a Prayer" popped into my head. So ... sure. Somehow, this seems appropriate. So, Obama, this one's for you:
Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels life home

When you call my name it's like a little prayer
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

I hear your voice, It's like an angel sighing
I have no choice, I hear your voice
Feels like flying
I close my eyes, Oh God I think I'm falling
Out of the sky, I close my eyes
Heaven help me

When you call my name it's like a little prayer
I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there

Like a child you whisper softly to me
You're in control just like a child
Now I'm dancing
It's like a dream, no end and no beginning
You're here with me, it's like a dream
Let the choir sing

Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there
Just like a muse to me
You are a mystery
Just like a dream, you are not what you seem
Just like a prayer
No choice
Your voice can take me there

Just like a prayer
I'll take you there
It's like a dream to me
Hah. That's ridiculous.

Here, instead, I post this in all seriousness:

(Hat tip: Sullivan.)

I regret voting by mail now. I wish I had allowed myself the full experience of going to a polling place with my fellows and having my teary-eyed moment of marking my ballot for Obama and No on 8. This morning, driving past the Mormon Temple on Santa Monica Blvd, I saw a group on Yes on 8 assholes. So as I approached, I rolled down my window and gave them an enthusiastic thumbs down. I felt it was both spirited and unoffensive. I got a hearty "Shut up!" from a guy with a "1 Man 1 Woman" sign. I felt energized afterward. Ah, political discourse.

Here is a transcript of the text message exchange that just occurred between myself and my little sister, who moved to New York last Friday:
Me: I'm freaking out!
Her: I know!! Wait ... you mean about the election right?
Me: Haha. Yeah. Love you!!!
Her: Love you too!! Go Obama!!
Her: Si se puede!
Yes we motherfucking can '08.

Monday, November 03, 2008

99 Problems

So because I had the time, the inclination, and the sense of the ridiculous ... I re-wrote the lyrics to Jay-Z's "99 Problems" for the election. Uh ... enjoy?


If you votin' McCain I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems and Barack ain't one

I got ol' McC incitin' violence 'gainst BO
Foes that wanna make sure his campaign folds
BO critics say he's pallin' with US foes
It was an ed board, stupid, what type of facts are those
Barack campaigning with holes in his zapatos
GOP shoppin' for Palin like they ain't short of dough
I'm like fuck GOP, spend one fifty thousand mo'
While Barack buys network time cuz his thinkin's forward
Got beef with Palin saying I ain't playing Pro-
American, but that's just what I am SO
Red mags try an' blame elite class
So contributors give GOP mo' cash for bad ads, fuckers
I don't know what you take us as,
Or understand the intelligence this nation has
Gone from riches to rags, niggas we ain't dumb
We got 99 problems but Barack ain't one
Hear me

99 problems but Barack ain't one
If you're havin' Palin problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but Barack ain't one
Hear me

The year's '08 and my health is raw
I got pre-existing status like I'm 84
I got no choices y'all and this is just par
Can't get no healthcare - that should be against the law
Now I ain't tryin' to see no welfare state with pay.
But mad insurance profits seem to make the case
For change...tune in to see the campaigns unfold
I heard "My friends do you know what Barack stands for?"
Cause he's young and he's black and your tactics are low?
Do I doubt Barack's intentions sir, oh hell no
You sayin' he a terrorist or should I guess some mo'?
"Well he was pallin' with Ayers in 2000 y'know"
"Givin' credence to anti-Semites who want to start a war"
"Israeli Jews should be afraid of who his friends are"
Nah, I ain't buyin' yo shit none of these claims are legit
"Well, do you mind if I bring up Reverend Wright a little bit?"
Well your VP's gone half-cocked, wants to bring that line back
But we already know the story so you look like a partisan hack
"Aren't you sharp as a tack, you been in a think tank or something'?"
"Runnin' a ground campaign or somethin'?"
Nah, I ain't no expert but I know a little bit
Enough that you won't sway my vote with this shit
"We'll see how smart you are when November four come"
I got 99 problems but Barack ain't one
Hear me

99 Problems but Barack ain't one
if you payin' attention McCain won't get you son
I got 99 problems but Barack ain't one
Hear me

99 Problems but Barack ain't one
This economy failin' Barack know what to do son
We got 99 problems but Barack ain't one
Hit me

Now once upon a time not too long ago
The global pool a' money really started to grow
This is not from banks havin' a good sense a' market
But a market havin' no God Damn sense, bubble goes poppin'
McCain tried to posture say he was battlin' the storm
Cancel a campaign, some fools sho like to perform
You know the type loud as a motor bike
But couldn't pass a plan to save his damn life
The only thing that's gon' happen is Barack gon' get to clappin'
McC and his boys gon be yappin to the MSM
And there McC goes trapped in the news cyc again
Back through the system with the Schmidt ass again
Fiends on the floor with their lyin' ads again
Smell of desperation be waftin' off'a them
Polls be givin' McCain the shaft again
$700 mil bail fo' banks so they ain't all B of A, friend
Yet 9 months ago Obama was harrasin' them
Tryin to warn Bernanke of the trouble ahead
But ain't nothin sweet 'bout I told you so
We got 99 problems, but Barack ain't one.
Hit me

We got 99 problems but Barack ain't one
If you votin' McCain, y'ought rethink that shit son
99 problems but Barack ain't one

99 problems but Barack ain't one
if you want 'em solved you best go vote Democrat son
99 problems but Barack ain't one

99 problems but Barack ain't one
you know he's ready to lead, do yourself a favor and run
to vote O-ba-ma in the '08 election

Friday, October 31, 2008


From Five Thirty Eight:

Halloween v. Election

It's too difficult to be excited about my favorite holiday right now. Don't play coy with me, Election. It makes it really hard to find my current girlfriend, Halloween, all that sexy when you're in the next room making bedroom eyes at me.

It turns out that Election Mind Boner is far more powerful than Halloween Mind Boner.

This metaphor got super weird on me.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Please please please please please please please

From Five Thirty Eight:

I'm having an interesting reaction to these numbers today. In previous weeks, I became elated. I think we're now too close to the election for me to feel joy. All I feel is an intense, anxious hope. It is a physical sensation at this point. I can feel my desire for Obama to win this election in my chest.

In other news, I lost the war to get my dad, a resident of Washoe County, NV, which is leaning Democrat these days, to vote for Obama. He all but said he's voting McCain (in fact, he made a point of not saying who he's voting for, but still kept referring to Obama as "your guy"). If Washoe County, NV goes to McCain, I may cry. Well, that's a moot point. Whatever happens in this election, I know I'm going to be doing some crying. But after weeks of me and my father talking and fighting and having personal shit hitting the proverbial fan and nearly never speaking again ... in the end, I lost.

I don't regret trying and I'm grateful to him for letting me try. He did let me do that.

Ugh. This is not funny at all.

Uh ... dildo. There.